Dear @Genenne (and so many others)

I first saw your tweet during my random perusal of Tumblr. I admit, at first, I thought it deserved its place on Luvvie’s Dumbest Tweets.

I even reblogged it with my own confused, one-word commentary. But I also kept thinking about it. And then it hit me: this is your reality. I am truly sorry that I failed to consider this at first. I am also sorry that these are the examples of womanhood that resonate in your life.

This is no pity party, however. I fully understand from whence you come. At age 30, I am one of two women (out of the five in my generation) in my father’s family who didn’t have at least one child before the age of 25. (My mom & I are the only two surviving women in her family, aside from a bunch of cousins who also had babies early. I was also unplanned, albeit in marriage. But that’s another story.)

As much as I’d like to say my lack of children & disease is due solely to the wonderful decisions that I’ve made all my life, that would be a lie. In fact, most of my (albeit limited) sexual experiences have been unprotected and, well, not exactly welcomed. I wasn’t raped by the legal definition of the word, though. I was raped in that I didn’t make an empowered choice about sex until AFTER I turned 25. This included not using condoms. Suffice it to say, I was lucky. VERY lucky. Thankfully, I wised up. Sadly, it took an abusive relationship (that included my partner’s refusal to practice safer sex) for that to happen.

My own experience & my work with young people have confirmed one resounding theme:

The struggle for (perceived) approval is real.Both genders often think they have something to prove to their own AND to their opposites. In the end, neither truly finds the approval they seek. And Sadly, while boys can generally “walk away”, girls often find themselves left with the babies. There is, of course, the issue of disease, but that is not today’s topic.

I felt compelled to write this note to let you know that a) I do understand and b) having babies at a young age is not all there is to life, regardless of what people try to tell us. I also urge you to seek out examples of women -and men- who have made positive decisions about their bodies. Anybody who wants to have sex with you but refuses to use protection does not care for you or for themselves. Ask yourself:

• Is it really worth the risks of disease and pregnancy?
  He may pull out, but will he draw close if another life should develop in my womb?
  Can I really handle motherhood at this time, even if he does stay?

If your answer to any one of these questions is “no” & your partner won’t agree to use protection, then love yourself: walk away. There’s will always be another opportunity for sex but that other stuff is more difficult to rectify.

Safer sex, abstinence, and medical birth control are all options that make great alternatives to unwanted pregnancies and abortions. However, abstinence and condoms are the only ways to prevent transmission of STDs/STIs. If you don’t have access to information about these options, check out the online free support network for birth control.

I may be some random chick from twitter, but I care nonetheless, and so do many others.